she kept yelling 'call me bella'
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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