Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
