i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
