Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
