I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
