I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she pinky promised me she was 18
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
