I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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