Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
