omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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