i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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