You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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