Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
