I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
