My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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