how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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