The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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