Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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