Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
