So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
