im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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