he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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