she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
