Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We need a shit load of segways right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
