Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
