Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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