So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
