you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
