It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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