Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
