don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
