How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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