My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
