first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
