so that wasnt chicken after all
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
