he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
