i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
