I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
