Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
