I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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