Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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