I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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