Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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