at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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