Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
