Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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