there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
