During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
