hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
