He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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