Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
