Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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